Do I have my finger on the pulse of the timespace continuum or what? Just days after waggishly dissecting Kentucky's ludicrous anti-nudism statutes, the Louisville Metro Police have made a formal announcement of their intention to crack down on strip clubs, by invoking the city's nudity ordinance.
According to WAVE-TV:
For years, it has been the subject of a court battle. But starting Feb. 8, Metro officials say its inspectors will begin monitoring Louisville strip clubs to make sure nude dancing is a thing of the past.
The city ordinance will stop all nude dancing, eventually cut out alcohol sales and force employees to pay licensing fees. Touching and direct tipping of dancers is out, no lap dances and there's a 6 foot distance that must be between dancers and patrons.
Okay, so the powers-that-be don't like strip clubs. That's fine. I understand these twinks, bears, chickenhawks, and nellies are grossed out by naked women, and obviously, we have to like what they like. And if we have a problem with that, we can always leave, right? I mean, it is their city, after all, not ours, right?
So pray tell, what about nudity in theatrical productions? Riddle me that, Batman. Nudity in the theatre has been a long-honored tradition, hallowed by usage and consecrated by time, right here in Louisville. There was peek-a-boo nudity and see-through costume nudity in my play Toulouse-inations which was staged at the Kentucky Center for the Arts, and it is my intent to have full nudity in my upcoming play Son of Grimaldi. (I also wanted some near-nudity in my play Patrick Amsterdam, but the lovely and talented Sarah East ultimately chickened out on wearing a red thong microbikini as called for by the script.)
I guess my Jefferson County Confidential nude art exhibition a few years ago, which was also a clothing-optional event for guests as well as the art itself, would also be frowned upon in the new regime. The majority of my nude photo work is shown in art galleries in Europe, where people are less squeamish and less superstitious in general. (I'm always seeking models - anyone interested, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information. Both males and females are welcome, and your age, weight, appearance and body type are absolutely not an issue.)
So, Louisville, maybe this is the night I called it a day. Maybe it's time I gotta travel on, like the old Bill Monroe song says. Between the corrupt cops, the idiotic arena, the smoking ban, and now this, I'm running out of reasons to defend Louisville from its detractors and naysayers. I really am.
I hear Interzone's nice this time of year.