Zombie Warning in Florence

This from Cincinnati.com:

As if orange barrels, speed traps and distracted motorists sharing the road weren’t stressful enough, drivers on southbound Interstate 71/75 Thursday morning were given another warning – beware of the undead.

An electronic highway sign on the interstate near the Ky. 18 exit read: “Nightly lane closures, zombies ahead.”

The sign was apparently hacked, said Nancy Wood, Kentucky Transportation Cabinet spokeswoman.

There's been a spate of these "zombie" sign hacks across the country recently, and the media seems to be generally treating it with kid gloves. Me, I don't consider any form of hacking to be a laughing matter, nor do I have tolerance for those who try to glorify it with terms like "hacktivism", etc.

The sign was supposed to warn drivers of the danger of road work ahead. If whoever changed the message is caught, I hope they throw the book at him so hard it dents his head.

Whiskey By The Drink

I love these old "Whiskey by the Drink" signs, from those bygone Don Draper days when women and television sets wore bunny ears. This one was sighted in Butchertown, at the corner of Mellwood and Brownsboro where it becomes Story Avenue.

The End Times? Not Again!

"The time is getting closer; I read it on a poster."
- - Alice Cooper.

There's nothing more self-destructive for a representative of one's religious faith to do than to declare a doomsday date. You may get temporary attention and fame, but when the end of the world inevitably doesn't come, you end up discredited and having turned more people against your cause. The kind of people who start these doomsday scenarios probably don't care, though, because they're almost always in it for their own publicity and not concerned about the reputation of the religious faith they've hijacked for their own ends.

Perfect example: last year these billboards started popping up all over the world, proclaiming that the Biblical judgment day will occur on May 21, 2011. These billboards aren't cheap - I think a billboard in Louisville runs between $2000 and $5000 a pop, depending on location and duration. Does the apocalypse really need an ad campaign?

A lot of these billboards are coming from someplace called Family Radio whose website "explains" why the Rapture is coming on May 21 by way of one of the most poorly-written and irrational treatises I've even seen. The date of 2011 is arrived at by piling arbitrary assumptions on top of bad math on top of mangled Biblical quotes on top of failure to realize that people in Biblical-era Jerusalem didn't observe the same calendar as we do.

Of a similar ilk is judgementday2011.com, who needs to learn to spell "judgment" before passing same.

It would be hilarious if it wasn't so dangerous. Every time some charismatic kook starts a "world's about to end" meme, there are always gullible people who quit their jobs, throw everything away, and put their lives in total disarray. Some have even committed suicide after the big day passes and Christ didn't show up.


"We Can Know" is another affiliated bunch who are buying billboards, and so is The Latter Rain, whose name suggests connection to the post-William Branham "Latter Rain" movement, including "Joel's Army" - which has been described by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a "rapidly growing apocalyptic movement" who believe they possess "a divine mandate to physically impose Christian "dominion" on non-believers".


Another related group is eBible Fellowship, who are especially proud of their billboards - so much so that their site is almost wholly devoted to bragging about the placement of the ads in most countries of the world. They even have an interactive map that lets you track the progress of their ad campaign. Um, that's nice, guys, but if it really is the end times, don't we really have more important things to do?


Apparently even though the Rapture is on May 21, the actual end of the world for the rest of us won't come until October 21. Okay. I need one of those giant foldout flowcharts that take up two walls in order to map out all the signs and seals and bowls and trumpets; it's all too complicated for me.

Like Ken Ham and his Creationist Museum, these doomsayers are far outside the fringe of mainstream Christianity, but at the same time apparently have a mysterious knack for fundraising. Imagine what these people could have accomplished to combat world problems like hunger and illiteracy, with the staggering amount of money they blew on this self-aggrandizing, masturbatory, mentally ill ad campaign.

Signs of the Anchorage Wilderness

I spend a lot of time roaming the woods and trails in Anchorage. Here's some puzzling evidence encountered in the way of signage.

Above:this almost completely rusted-away "No Trespassing" sign is along what is now a public nature trail in E.P. Sawyer Park. It must date back to the time of the Central Kentucky Insane Asylum, which originally occupied these grounds.

Below: This "nature trail" sign is oddly isolated out in the middle of a swamp area.


Just when I thought I was truly out in the middle of nowhere, I happened upon this deluxe and informative sign, telling me all about the importance of keeping Goose Creek clean:


And then there's this old plastic sign with what seems to be the international symbol for "no hikers allowed", but it was laying flat in the ground in a remote part of the woods. Which way had it been meant to indicate to keep out? Impossible to tell for sure. I kept walking, of course.


It sure does seem like there's a lot of plastic signs littering the landscape even as they warn me of the importance to protect the environment. Here's another, with the surreal title "Wetlands: Nature's Kidneys".

Free Newspaper Kiosks

This morning I noticed these big red permanent stickers slapped all over every one of the newspaper/magazine kiosks in front of the Kroger on Linn Station Road.


I always wondered if these publications actually asked permission to stick these ugly things all over town, or if they just do it, guerilla-style, and wait for someone to challenge it. There's a handwritten notice on some of the stickers, giving the owners of the respective doohickeys to come and get them in one week or they'll be thrown away. Anyone want some lovely and attractive free paper kiosks, suitable for decorating your apartment in delightful "decline of western civilization" style?

I find these accursed things to be almost as much an eyesore and a blight as plastic signs, so I certainly won't shed a tear to see 'em go.


What I don't get is why they used stickers that were obviously originally intended to be slapped on an illegally-parked vehicle (threatening the newspaper boxes to be "ticketed or towed" is laughably surreal) and why the number to call for more information has a 513 (Ohio) area code.

Private Areas

Saw this sign in Ri Ra the other day. I was afraid to inquire to the server for fear that she'd slap me.

Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind.

"Girls"

This last remaining sign fragment from an old Louisville burlesque club is strangely tragic on one level, yet comforting on another. I think it qualifies, in spirit anyway, as a Ghost Sign.

DNA Testing? No Thanks.

Last week while downtown, I saw that someone had dumped this sign in the wastebasket at the corner of 5th and Ali. Not sure whether they're making a statement against DNA testing, or whether they simply share my antipathy for plastic signs.

Giant Razor Blade

This enormous sculptural rendition of a razor blade can be seen outside of Blades Salon and Spa on Chenoweth Lane in Louisville.

Xavier Nally Barbershop

The Xavier Nally Barbershop in St. Matthews is still operating after 6,000 years in business, and still has this wonderful old neon sign on its roof that looks more like a candy cane or a twisty-cone than a barber pole. Alas, the neon no longer works.

Bull Durham Ghost Sign

One of Georgetown's Ghost Signs that hasn't been repainted and touched up: since there are two different Bull Durham Tobacco painted signs superimposed upon one another here, presumably they couldn't decide which one to preserve. I like it just as it is, seeing simultaneous flickers of two different time periods, like the timespace channel-surfing of Star Trek's Guardian of Forever or Douglas Adams' Total Perspective Vortex.

Hump

This sign, spotted by srhbth, is presumably intended as a noun and not a verb.

The Soreheads of Hartford

No one knows exactly why the sign welcoming you to beautiful downtown Hartford says "Home of 2000 Happy People and a few Soreheads", but there it is, bigger'n life and bold as love.

Even the city's official website makes reference to it: "Our slogan for many years has been the “Home of 2000 Happy People and a Few Soreheads,” but we hope you won’t meet them." No further explanation is proffered.

I wonder if the citizens of Hartford glance furtively at each other in suspicion, trying to figure out just who the soreheads among them are. Perhaps lovers in quarrels heatedly accuse one another of being one of the soreheads of Hartford. In time, it may become inevitable that an online registry of them may be mandated by law.

Signs Like This

What's worse than plastic signs littering our state?

Plastic signs that try to sell you MORE PLASTIC SIGNS.

Sorry about your signs, plasticmongers, but I took them all down. But hey, here's free advertising on my blog. No, no, don't thank me, it's all in a day's work.

Glencoe Gun Shop's Obama Sign

Reported on WLWT-TV:

GLENCOE, Ky. -- A racially charged sign that takes aim at President Barack Obama is raising eyebrows in northern Kentucky.

The sign is located along Main Street in Glencoe at the Eagle Hill Armoury gun store.

The sign reads, "Obama complains Americans are fat, police act stupid, U.S.A. is a bully, the president is a nagger." However, at some point over the weekend, the last word was changed to be a racial slur.

The store owner said that he changed the sign immediately after being told about the slur and that he reported the issue to police.

The man who owns the sign, Bryan Roach, said that vandals changed the sign.

"It was basically vandalized, and we didn't appreciate it," Roach said. "Somebody had actually taken one of the letters out of one of the other words. I think it was in 'complains,' and put it in a place that made a word that we don't advocate or condone at all."

Sounds awfully disingenuous to me. I find it extremely hard to believe that the gun shop's choice of the word "nagger" to describe President Obama was perfectly innocent and had no pun intended. Furthermore, WLWT says Mr. Roach is refusing to change the sign even though all the media attention will surely encourage further racist vandalism.

Hate Group Adopts Florence Highway

From the New York Times:

Kentucky officials were surprised to learn from reporters this year that the National Alliance, a white separatist group, had adopted a highway. The group’s sign honored its late founder, William Pierce, whose novel The Turner Diaries inspired Timothy J. McVeigh to bomb the Oklahoma City federal building in 1995.

Chuck Wolfe, a spokesman for the Kentucky Transportation Cabinet, said officials initially hoped they could terminate the contract, but determined that doing so would open them to costly litigation that might fail.

And from WCPO-TV:

"Diversity and multiculturalism is simply not in any way good for our people, not good for our nation," said Robert Ransdell, Cincinnati coordinator of the National Alliance. "We do believe that essentially the best way is separation, we believe that multiculturalism is essentially death for our people."

The head of Kentucky's Adopt-A-Highway program, Nancy Wood, said she didn't know what the group stood for until 9News brought it to her attention Monday.

"We did not know what this group was about," said Wood. "The KY Transportation Cabinet and the Adopt-A-Highway group doesn't condone racist ideology, so we will take the matter up with our attorney on how to best address the issue."

The KKK pulled a similar PR stunt a few years back in Missouri, and actually fought it all the way to the Supreme Court, which determined that even psychotic organizations have the right to take part in Adopt-a-Highway programs. And if you think that's an unfair characterization, or that such hate-groups are totally marginalized and obsolete nowadays, think again: the Anti-Defamation League warns that the National Alliance is growing in strength. Read this:

A new ADL investigation reveals that the neo-Nazi National Alliance (NA) is the single most dangerous organized hate group in the United States today. In the past several years, dozens of violent crimes, including murders, bombings and robberies have been traced to NA members or appear to have been inspired by the group's propaganda...

The National Alliance is the largest and most active neo-Nazi organization in the nation, with 16 active cells from coast to coast, and a reported membership of 1,000. In the last three years, there has been evidence of NA activity in no fewer than 26 states nationwide.

The NA is led by former Oregon State University physics professor and veteran anti-Semite William L. Pierce, 66. Using the pseudonym Andrew Macdonald, Pierce wrote the novel The Turner Diaries, which details a successful world revolution by an all-white army, and the systematic extermination of Blacks, Jews, and other minorities. Many extremists regard The Turner Diaries as an explicit terrorism manual...

The ADL has even more detailed and disturbing data about the National Alliance here.

New Rule!

This is an old sign affixed beside the employees-only rear entrance to a long-defunct factory in Jeffersontown's Bluegrass Industrial Park. I'd love to know the backstory that caused some manager to have this sign made proclaiming this highly specific ban.

No "distribution of any written or printed material"? Were they serious?

Technically, this would mean sharing a newspaper on your lunch break, passing a note, or even lending a dollar bill to a buddy at the vending machines (Assuming snacks weren't also verboten at this happy workplace). My guess is that this sign, which sounds like it came straight outta the office of Dilbert's boss, had something to do with some sort of disgruntled-worker hand-typed newsletter, or labor-union materials.

Ghost Signs of Georgetown

Some places cover up and destroy their Ghost Signs in the name of modern seemliness; others just leave 'em alone as a silent tribute to their old-old-school charm.

The folks in Georgetown have taken yet a third tack: they touch them back up with paint, restoring them to their original appearance.


I'm of two minds on the matter. Part of me is very intrigued by the idea, and I enjoyed the feeling of being on a movie set, or in some sort of time warp, walking in downtown Georgetown. But I also cringe slightly at the notion of "improving" the Ghost Signs. The signs probably should, as with any antiques, be left alone in their current state and not monkeyed around with.

Kentucky Ice Cream

Sadly, a remnant of a now-departed ice cream store at the also-now-departed Midway Cafe in Horse Cave, KY.