The Kentucky Virus

This was just emailed to me and I got a chuckle:

You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!

As we ain't got no programming experience, this here virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to ever'body in your address book.

Thanky fer your cooperation,

University of Kentucky
Computer Engineering Dept.

I am admittedly inconsistent in my reactions to the "hillbilly" stereotype - some I oppose, others I endorse. As a hillbilly myself, such idiosyncracies are my birthright, I reckon.

Hillbilly Days in Pikeville

I've already vented, ranted, and pedanted about the suppression of the "hillbilly" concept on my previous entry about The Li'l Abner Motel, so I won't beat that dead horse again here.

Okay, maybe just a little.

Suffice it to say that some people find this festival uncool because it chooses to embrace the old-fashioned garish Snuffy Smith hillbilly stereotype in this brave new modern space-age Splenda-drinkin' wi-fi world. Some think it makes Kentuckians "look bad" and "look silly" (as if the two were synonymous). I love it for the very same reasons those uptight folks despise it. After all, I am a hillbilly myself. I think they should declare being a hillbilly to be designated as an "alternative lifestyle", protected from discrimination by law.

However, the Pikeville Hillbilly Days isn't just a good excuse to run around in overalls and a corncob pipe - it's for a good cause. The event, which began in 1977, is a fundraiser benefitting kids at the Shriner's Children's Hospital in Lexington. It was started by Howard "Dirty Ear" Stratton and "Shady" Grady Kinney, two Shriners with the Hillbilly Clan Outhouse No. 2 in Pikeville.

Dogpatch Trading Post

Those who were appalled by my soapboaxing on the Li'l Abner Motel entry, rejoice: I'll be brief on this one. It's simply another cherished (by me) example of those good ol' days when the hillbilly meme ruled the world.

Since 1950, this wacky barn in London, KY has been home to the most god-awful gag gifts and hillbilly tourist tack imaginable, bless its pea-pickin' heart. Named after the locale in which the hillbilly comic strip Li'l Abner is set, the Dog Patch Trading Post is still the #1 purveyor of Americana-flavored delightful crap such as coal sculptures, ersatz Native American "dream catchers", Elvis posters, Confederate Flags, weird shot glasses, faux-rustic furniture, and a parking lot full of bizarre concrete lawn ornaments for sale (which in itself is worth the drive). There are lots of interesting Outsider-Art wood sculptures and totem poles. You can also have your picture taken with your head protruding from a hilariously crude painted hillbilly body.

We love the Dogpatch Trading Post. You will too. You'll come for the John Deere lunchboxes, you'll stay for the country ham.

Or, you can visit them on the web at dogpatchtradingpost.com.

Li'l Abner Motel

There are basically two types of Kentuckians.

(Don't you love it when someone starts a speech that way?)

There are those who embrace their hillbilly heritage and then there are those who would seek to ignore it, or worse, conceal it.

It should come as no surprise to the dedicated reader that I am of the former group, the True Group, the unrepentant hillbillies, the rightful heirs to the soil of Transylvania.

At one time, the hillbilly stereotype was a common fixture across the tourist traps of the South, as shrewd hucksters were "puttin' on the hick" to razzle-dazzle the know-nothing Northerners who came to gawk and learn the arcane mystic arts of miniature golf.

Nowadays, those places are a dying breed, what with the politically correct mindset reinforced by too much internet, too many cable channels, and too much toxic Nutrasweet and Splenda in the diet sodas.

That's why it pleases me to no end to find that references to Al Capp's gloriously Southern comic strip Li'l Abner can still be found in Kentucky. It's one of the funny ironies of life that Capp wasn't even a hillbilly himself. He spent his entire life in Boston, New York, and Connecticut and got his knowledge of hillbilly lore thirdhand. And yet, his viewpoint was right-on (at least until the late 60s, when he abruptly turned politically ultra-conservative - slightly to the right of Attila the Hun - even as his infamous lecherous nature become even more out of control.)

Anyway, in summary: boring normal people want to keep the hillbilly meme down. The existence of places like the Li'l Abner Motel help keep it alive. Therefore, it is good. Next time you're looking for lodging in the Red River Gorge area, give them your business and tell them I sent you by.